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Ever need to get the name of that movie with that one actor? Ever need to know something you didn't about 80's music? How about sports knowledge that shouldn't be stored in one's brain? I'm that guy and this is my way of dealing with my problem.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Heart Attack Grill: Love Deep Fried

Let's face it America, fat people love food. I should know, I am one of them! In this politically correct age of taking offense to everything, we finally have found some sensitivity and love. The Heart Attack Grill in Arizona has just what the fat doctor ordered! Their menu is simple with a choice of the single, double, triple, or quadruple bypass burgers. Maybe you want a side with that? How about some Flatliner Fries cooked in pure lard. Then you can polish that all off with a heart murmur inducing Jolt Cola. If that leaves you wanting more, well you can follow that meal with a non-filter pack of Lucky Strikes! It gets even better if you top 350 pounds you eat for free! That's right, for free! Talk about knowing your audience! Dr. Jon is personally guaranteeing results for all of us. I don't know about you, but I have something to shoot for now. Of course the nay sayers have been trying to tear the good doctor down. They say he is promoting poor health and habits. To them I say, "We are all adults here! I have already developed my bad habits on the way to hitting that 350 pound mark. Who are you to deny me the free meal?" We have been offered "change" and we have been promised many things by our leaders. Rarely do they deliver or follow through on their promises. So don't go pointing a finger at Dr. Jon! He is just rewarding people who love what they do. That is eating our way down the road to that big Mcdonalds in the sky. Let's let them get a free sandwich on the way out.

P.S.- The author of this article is not quite at the 350 pound mark but is willing to take on the extra weight for monetary gain.

Tuesday, February 1, 2011

The Social Network(review)

David Fincher is at it again my friends. He continues to surprise and broaden his resume as one of the best directors in cinema today. His portfolio now contains Seven, Fight Club, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, and The Social Network. He continues to broaden his horizons and this movie is easily in his top three films. Jesse Eisenberg has busted out of the Michael Cera sound alike category. Eisenberg brings a brilliant and intentionally uneven, yet calculated interpretation of Facebook creator Mark Zuckerberg. He has a knack for making even his nervous nature seem calculating and cold at points and vulnerable at others. The movie itself moves along at a pace that flows faster than you news feed on Facebook. It takes us through the major steps of the 50 billion dollar company and it's growing pains. At the same time it takes us through a simultaneous journey with Zuckerberg with his own growing pains and self revelations. It was a pleasant surprise for this movie goer and highly recommended. On a 4 star scale, The Social Network comes in at      3 1/2 out of 4.

Monday, January 31, 2011

I did your mom and made it a chain status on facebook...

Wine can be red, the sky can be blue. If you have a great friend, then re-post this too! Then you get the incredible urge to throw your computer across the room. It's bad enough to hear how you finished your p90x and feel ripped, or your stunning revelation about some obscure sport that makes you feel like a rebel. NOTHING however compares to the chain status. I mean I even get suckered from time to time. Who can pass on one of the cancer status updates that has known someone that has fought that awful disease. But I digress, the real enemy is the hallmark posts. You know what I'm talking about. We all have that friend that is a piece of shit deep down who keeps posting daily affirmations about how "blessed" and "wonderful" their life is. You see on facebook you get a nice double dip in asshole. It's bad enough knowing this idiot is a fraud in real life. Now you have a virtual reminder of what a fake, rotten puke they are. It's like facebook is a separate identity to them and they can try to lead us all to a false pretense yet again. To be fair, it doesn't stop with the hallmark posters... I'm looking at you party people! Let's get a few more pictures of you acting like you are part of the Jersey Shore gang. The one small difference is that a tv show makes being a whore or a dick look better than a social network. You just end up looking like trash. The more you think about it, the more it just looks like a second life. Some of us just choose to be as fake the second time around as we did the first time. The Catholic Church got rid of purgatory and God created Facebook.